Feedback needed please

ok so interestingly today I have not followed a particular meal plan and just ate what I wanted when I wanted, went something like this so far (it is now 3pm and won't be eating until dinner)

Breakfast: leftover pork with cauliflower and pumpkin (weird I know)
Morning tea: carmen's museli bar and 2 pieces of fruit toast
Afternoon tea: berries with some greek yoghurt and 1 rice cake

I never usually eat this many carbs but I just want a day where I don't have to worry about following this and that, the thing I need feedback on is after my afternoon tea I have bloated up looking 5 months pregnant and was just wondering if it was the yoghurt or the rice cake, any thoughts?

I feel Fat, Fat, Fat

Hmmm, I know to people at the gym I look slim and to my friends I look slim, but its not all about how you look in clothes.  I certainly do not look good in a bikini and I am really unhappy with the way I look.  It seems no matter how hard I train or how well I eat it just doesn't happen, I then when I do eat really well somehow I end up sneaking in some ice-cream or having a glass of wine and I am not talking huge amounts but just here and there, and I have just reached a point where I just don't know what to do anymore, do I train more, train less, I am so confused now about what to eat and its just getting worse.  I don't know what works for my body at all!

Sick, Sick, Sick

So I had laryngitis for a week then was just getting better and it turned into a stinking cold.  Did the right thing for a change and missed the gym for a week as I felt like complete crap, then this week have headed back but with this stinking cold I am thinking of giving it a miss today, what with the 2 kids to look after and amongst all the house hold chores sometimes its just a bit too much.  So it has now been 2 weeks I have been sick for straight and I am hoping to get better soon!

On other news we have a new puppy.  He is so cute, but don't know if we have done the right or wrong thing, its just extra work on top of an already busy schedule and of course I have to constantly watch the kids with him as they are a bit nasty with him at the moment.  We have had him for 3 weeks, he is still not getting this whole toilet training thing so we will see how we go.  I would hate to get rid of him especially as each day is getting better but we will wait and see.

Gosh has it been that long

I can't believe its been so long since i posted.  Well I was going great with the primal blueprint and lost 2 kilos, my stomach was flatter and I felt great and even got comments at the gyms about my abs but somewhere along the line I got lost and started to listen too much to people who are negative about this way of living and fell back into the convential way of living again, not that I do each much carbs or grains but none the less it comes down to just reading too much, gaining too much knowledge and not sticking with one way of eating, chopping and changing my ideas of what I believe the right and wrong way to eat is. So without even being bad on my diet I have gained back the 2 kgs nearly 3kg in fact and I am just getting sick and tired of having what I call too much knowledge.  Going back 10 years ago when I didn't worry so much about my diet and ate healthy but what I wanted as I didn't worry about the protein, carb, fat ratio, I was slim and lean so it really bugs me that I am constantly thinking about what I am eating and whether its right or wrong,  Somewhere along the line I got caught up too much about food and I just can't seem to let this obsession go.  Maybe it has something to do with getting older and having to work even harder at it.  Don't know, but anyhow the same goes with the gym and I have decided in the next week or so I am going to change my program around and do something I have never done and that is whole body training, so instead of one body part per day I am going to do the whole body 2 days a week and one core session once a week and the rest cardio.  I do feel I am burnt out, but want to keep exercising but just want to do something a bit different.  I am also going to write out a plan so I can stick to it without having to make it hard or worry about what I eat, and then in a few months time I am going to go back to the primal way of eating again.  I can't wait to get my primal cook book!

Not much

to report that is.  Primal is going ok although I am still having my chocolate here and there and the last couple of weeks I have been having a drink here and there so imagine what I could achieve if I just cut those small things out!:)  I have had a few comments, one from the owner at the gym who said how slim I was, another from a girl at the gym who came up to me and mentioned my abs and also said how she overheard these 4 guys talking about my abs, and I'm like WHAT ABS?  so critical of myself, and then my brother mentioned how I looked like skin and bones and needed a good feed.  Now I can tell you I don't look skinny at all and I certainly don't look good in a bikini, same old trouble spots butt and thighs, but I must admit primal is certainly agreeing with my abs.  I just need to tighten the diet up a bit more I must admit I have been boredom eating the last few days and the kids have been stressing me out, aswell as getting up in the night so this combined with being tired = boredom eating, but hey as I have mentioned heaps of time this is a lifestyle for me.  I am not training for a comp and so if I slip up here and there well that is life.  Take today for instance I did really want to train, but hubby was working all day, and being a public holiday the gym creche was closed.  I could have gone for a walk but my 3 year old does not really like being in the pram for an hour so its just not worth all the drama.  The plan was to do a workout at home tonight, but both my babies were tired and grizzly and then my 3 year old basically knocked himself out on the wall so by the time they went to bed the last thing I wanted to do was work out.  Very rarely do I miss a session, but I have decided life throws these little curve balls at you and I am sick and tired of burning myself out and training some days when its just the last thing I want to do.  Next week I am going to start doing Turbulence Training again.  I like the concept and it also makes it easier to train at home if I can't get to the gym!:)

Interesting

So its interesting to learn that I have been on the primal blueprint lifestyle for 2 weeks now and have been about 80% compliant.  This takes into account a few wines during the week.  Now yesterday I had mum and dad over for breakfast and made bircher muesli and I had about 1/2 cup and also had some chocolate during the day.  What happened?  It send me up for hunger, cravings and I also woke up with a massive headache today.  Now apart from yesterday for the 2 weeks I have been primal I have been feeling fantastic, have so much energy, I am at my lowest weight ever, my stomach has gone flat and I have even had some positive comments at the gym, all in less than 2 weeks.  It is definatley working for me and I love the fact I am not getting hungry and I can take it or leave it for food and I am completely satisfied.  This is a lifestyle I will be sticking to and it is so damn easy.  I don't feel at all deprived and I don't have to worry if I eat or not.

Anyway its 10.45 and I am still in my PJ's.  Not sure if I will work out today or not.  I should but my body is telling me not to with my headache.  Usually I listen to my head but with this new lifestyle I am starting to listen to my body.  Hubby has gone back to bed he still has a bad ear infection from Broome over 2 weeks ago so that is part of the reason I haven't been to the gym and I can't workout tonight as we are going to a bbq at 4pm, so I either need to get my butt in gear and workout from home or just have another rest day.

I work again tomorrow and finish at 12.30pm and then I am getting my hair coloured.  Hubby can do the food shopping for me and the kids are in daycare so I will probably go to the gym at 6am tomorrow.

I'm back!

So I had a brilliant holiday away.  It was extremely hot so we didn't really do much other than take the kids swimming and going out for lunch, we did do a few things like check out chinatown, the japanese cemetary, the wharf, driving around, the mango place, matso's brewery but really it was just too warm to keep taking the kids out.

It was good to get out of the routine and I did no training while I was away and because of that didn't really eat much at all, other than brekkie, lots of fruit and mainly salads when we went out.  A couple of beers here and there and I didn't put on any weight.

I did read an awesome book though, the Primal Blueprint and I thoroughly recommend this to anyone.  It has completly changed my way of thinking about how I eat and excercise.  I started this new way of living on Monday and have already lost a kilo and just like the book says it was effortless.  It's very similiar to the paleo diet and for me the biggest challenge is getting my head around eating full fat this and that but I have been and its nice not to have to think about eating or when I am going to eat and most days I only need 3 meals a day which is huge when you consider I used to "HAVE" to eat 6 times a day.  I kind of feel liberated.  I wasn't sure it was going to work but it does and it fits in nicely with my family.  I haven't had any cravings, haven't been hungry, have been energised for my workouts and if I am not hungry I "DON'T" have to eat! Anyway check it out for yourselves.  I went out for lunch today and ordered some lemon pesto prawns with salad and I didn't have to worry that it was cooked in butter as that is ok on this program, besides it wasn't like it was dripping with butter!

2 more sleeps

Until we are off and away! Am so looking forward to not being in a routine and actually taking time off training for a week. I think most of the holiday will involve taking the kiddies swimming:)

On another note we have put our house up for sale and have bought another one (only if our house sells), talk about being spontaneous! but that is what we tend to do, stay in a house for a little while and if something better comes up bingo we move again. Sorry I don't mean better but I guess the last few years have involved having babies and your needs tend to change a bit. We lasted 9 months in our previous house and then when Jay was born it was just too small so we bought this one, then in no time Bailey came along and we have now discovered we would like a pool and we really need a 4th bedroom so we can use it as a toy room. Toys just seem to take over the whole house. Anyway not sure if we are doing the right thing but lets just say fate will tell.

Bloated

So something has made me look 5 months pregnant and I can probably guess what it is:

M1: oats & eggwhites with flax oil

Post workout shake - protein powder with water

M2: salad made with chicken, beetroot, spinach leaves, fetta and chick peas

M3: bubble tea

M4: fish, brocolli puree, salad as per above

It has to be the bubble tea, although the chick peas could have had something to do with it but I had the bubble tea around 2.30pm and was bloated about 4pm, if it was the chickpeas I think it would have happened sooner. Apart from the bubble tea food was good today but looking at it I don't think if I added up all the calories it would be over what I am supposed to be having as I missed a couple of meals.

On another note am off to Broome next Sunday and I cannot wait.

YEEEHAH

I can start training upper body again! I am so excited it was getting really boring just being able to train abs and legs and even though these are the areas that need the most work I think I was just getting very fatigued. We all need to do different things at the gym to keep us inspired and motivated and I can't wait to be able to start again. Even though it will be baby weights to begin with I can start to vary my training again. One happy camper!

Training

Can't wait until I can start training my upper body again. It has been 3 months and I am getting rather sick and tired of training legs and abs. Don't get me wrong they need to be trained well as that is where I hold most of my fat but in regards to enjoying training it is getting rather boring and having that constant DOMS feeling in my abs and legs is rather annoying. I visit the surgeon next week and I am going to beg him to let me start training my upper body even if its just baby weights I don't care! The surprising thing is my upper body hasn't changed much, I still have a v taper in my back, but I just want to feel like I am training properly again!

Magnesium

So after having sleep difficulties and having this craving for chocolate like all day every day I have realised that I must be lacking in magnesium. I have read that magnesium can help you sleep and help with the chocolate cravings if you are lacking in it. So today I am off to the shops to buy some magnesium poweder to see if it makes a difference. I have read about a particularly good one especially for sleep and that is Peter Gillams natural calm. I would really like to purchase this product but it is american so I would need to order it off Amazon and to be honest if I can at least try one here and see if it works then it would save me the hassle of ordering this american one, although this particular one does have rave reviews especially about helping people to sleep. Anyhow, I will try what is here first and if it doesn't help, I will then order the american one.

What else, my weight is back up to where it was before and this is because I have been eating chocolate! that and trying to stick to a specific strict plan I have for myself and its always the way, get me to stick to a plan and I stuff up, don't give me a plan and just say to me to eat healthy then I don't have a problem. It's all these mind games, I find when I am on a plan I just seem to want what I can't have, but then if I don't follow one and have the freedom to eat what I want it all seems to fall into place. After all I am not fat I am a size 8, but I would dearly love to just sort these legs of mine out which just don't seem to happen, even if I train legs like 3 times a week, they still don't get rid of the fat and still don't develop any muscle, and to be honest with my lifestyle I need balance not too much strictness or I fall to bits under all the pressure.

On the boob side of things, very happy with them but it looks like I may have to have more surgery in about 5 months time as I had a blood clot behind the right one and it hasn't formed properly. The surgeon has said he doesn't touch the muscle or the implant so it shouldn't be as painful as having the first lot of surgery, so this is a bit of a bummer, especially as I had this done in November and I am still not allowed to train my upper body yet because of this setback, hence why I am triaining legs and abs all week! Good news is my upper body has not lost any muscle which I am very surprised about but I think this has to do with lifting my kids all the time! Anyway at the moment I have constant DOMS in my legs and abs and just about off to train legs yet again!

WOW

So after 2 days of eating well I am down from 54kg to 52.6kg. WTF!! this is the lightest I have ever been. Can't imagine its water weight as I have been drinking 3 litres. Not too concerned with the scale weight though as in the end its how I look that matters!! I am going to add in an extra meal today so instead of 6 meals it will be 7 but remember these are only mini-meals as I want to make sure I am getting enough calories and I don't want the scale to drop too much!

Went to buy some new bras yesterday and when I got measured up I was quite surprised to find I am a DD. So I have gone from a A cup to a D, DD which I am happy about as I was starting to think maybe I should have gone bigger but no this is the right size for my body, at least the new bras give me a better look than these old grandma type bras I have been wearing since surgery, and don't worry I don't look big.

Haven't been able to train this morning got stuff on with the kiddies so will have to do it tonight regardless of how tired I am feeling. That is the tough bit for me I am not an evening training person, after the days activities with 2 young children I am just worn out, plus this last week I have only had 4 1/2 hours sleep each night due to Bailey waking up, however last night he managed to sleep through, we did dress him a bit different for bed so it has me wondering if perhaps he has been too cold. Will dress him the same tonight, fingers crossed.

Back into it

And tomorrow (Monday) marks day 1, yes another 12 week challenge, its the only way I know how to remain focussed. I need to have plans both training wise and nutritionally and whilst I intend to do it properly I will allow myself 1 day of not worrying, ie I day a week of going out to eat as I did promise myself this year would be the year of not being so strict on myself, but to kick it off and considering I have had a good 7 weeks off training I need to kick start myself by doing this. After the 12 weeks is when the exercise for fun will kick in.

Just about there

I think I am just about there to start doing some light upper body work. I am just about there to start getting back into it.

I had an awesome spin class this morning, mind you I ended up having a bacon and egg roll for lunch and then bought my son an icecream but he didn't want it so I ate it and whilst feeling guilty about eating this sort of food my dad piped up and said I needed it and to go home and have lunch. Don't you love your parents.

Anyhow I think it was because I had breakfast at 5.45 did spin at 8.30 for an hour as it was a longer class and then had nothing to eat. I'm not worried this year is about not over analysing anything!

I'm burnt

Yep got sunburnt bad on my back whilst sitting in the shade whilst the kids played at the park. I didn't think you could get burnt in the shade, but now I know otherwise!!

I trained legs the other day at the gym as that is all I can do at the moment aswell as bike, stepper or powerwalking on treadmill and may I say it is getting very, very boring! I decided to get my program the fitness RX mag that I get free digitally online so it was all about unilateral training, training 1 leg at a time and I used only my bodyweight for most of the exercises as I didn't want to push myself too hard until I get the A ok from the surgeon. Anyhow, I am very surprised that I can hardly walk! my legs and butt are killing me so it just goes to show you can have a very good workout without killing yourself too much! now because I can hardly move though I will have to wait to do another lower body session until Friday.

What else, let me see, I am very tired at the moment. Bailey is getting worse with his waking at night not better so not sure what is going on there but this better not continue for much longer as I can't cope with myself. This has been going on since he was born but its just seems to be getting worse. I am up 3 times most nights so what with trying to get back to sleep in between plus my other child getting up at 5.30am I am simply not getting enough sleep!

Gotta go bubs is screaming, he doesn't seem to be going down.

Christmas is over

and I am so glad I didn't overindulge. The only extra I had was 3 glasses of bubbly on xmas day and 2 beers on boxing day but food was pretty good and I have got to say that over all I was glad I didn't stuff myself and glad I stuck to Turkey and salad with a small taste of dessert.

So, surgery wise I am very happy with my boobs, but I am still suffering with my infection although it is slowly getting better. I saw a surgeon on xmas eve as my surgeon is currently in Adelaide and he put a needle in my boob to try and drain this infection/lump. I think this has helped as it is slowly going down but I have a long way to go. This has put my exercise back another few weeks so won't be doing much until after I see my surgeon on 21st January but to be honest I can tell I am no where near lifting weights for a while. I am ok with this at the moment strangely enough! My gym membership is up for renewal and for the time being I am not renewing it until I decide what I want to achieve. I just can't wait to start feeling normal again and being allowed to exercise again as it has been 5 weeks tomorrow and I was supposed to be able to be back at the gym on the 6 week mark.

On another note, hubby and I bought ourselves a WII for xmas. Oh my god it is so much fun! I can't wait until my boobs are better so I can fully get into it. Of course I bought all the fitness ones but for me this will not replace my fitness sessions but these will be my fun sessions whilst doing something different!!

Fat Arse!

I knew I had a fat ass but seriously I just had the worst bather shopping experience. Why do they make bikini bottoms so tiny? I opted for some short billabong shorts and a bikini top, more flattering for my figure but this really has me upset as I work my butt off in the gym and eat well most of the time so it makes me want to give up if i can't have the ass i want!

Detox done and dusted

Ok so detox went fine. I must admit I only did it for 6 days instead of 7 but I had really bad dirrahea and didn't really want to do another day. I had no cravings whilst on it and didn't feel particularly hungry so that was good.

On another note for the first time in my life I am not missing the gym at all. This is really odd as this is the longest I haven't exercised for. Now I know before I had this surgery I was getting really bored of the gym and at the moment I have no desire to go back. I do have another 4 weeks anyway before I am allowed to exercise but it has got me thinking about what I really want and how I want to go about it. For some reason my body actually looks better since I haven't been to the gym than when I have been working out really hard so I am not sure why. So this has got me thinking of maybe taking a gentler approach to exercise, maybe incorporating some pilates with some weights and cardio. My legs actually look smaller which i am happy about, they just need to be tighter so maybe I am working too hard at the gym. Who knows, all I know is all the effort I put in seems to not be paying off, I why be so obsessive about my diet when at the end of the day I am not even competing? You know what my goals truly are now, to have a fit and functional body. Sure I want to be lean and toned but you know what, I don't really care about how much muscle I have. Going back a couple of months ago, yeah I wanted to build muscle but I am sick and tired of just trying too hard. So I think I am going to slow down a little and just mix things up a little. I have 2 little kids to look after on very little sleep and the last thing I want to do really is kill myself at the gym, and this is how I feel.

My membership is up for renewal at the end of December and I will probably re-new but to be honest I am so tempted just to work out at home as I do have a gym set-up but I think I know deep down this may not work for me as I do believe I need to get away from the house to get the motivation and peace and quiet to work out. The other option was to do pilates and join the pilates studio as a member and then possibly do 2 weights workouts a week at home, although this is a more expensive option than the gym.

I AM SO CONFUSED!!!!

Detox

So today is day 1 of detox. I am doing the Quick Cleanse detox which basically is no processed food, dairy, meat of any kind etc but lots of veggies, fruit, salad sandwiches for lunch, oats and fruit for brekky, and bean dishes for dinner. I wanted to do a detox that had real food and wansn't simply a fad. So day 1 is going well. I am really surprised I haven't been at all hungry and have had to use my watch to remember to eat otherwise I would have gone without eating. It is nice to have bread in the diet which I don't normally have. I am doing this for only 1 week as after surgery I want to clean my body of all the drugs and stuff that have gone into my system. I am severly bloated which I am putting down to the anesthetic and I look about 5 months pregnant. It doesn't help that I can't exercise either, but I am sure once I get back into it in about 6 weeks changes will happen quickly.

I am still really sore but probably improving about 10% each day which is a start. I will start back at the gym on Tuesday which means I would have had a complete 2 weeks of rest, and then that will only be riding the bike for 4 weeks.